just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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