my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
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