my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
