you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
