Your dad touched me again.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
