Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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