TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
he was CRYING into my vagina
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize