Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
