hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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