Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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