i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
