Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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