so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
