I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
