i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
