someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
