Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
