just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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