I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
