Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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