remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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