He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
