ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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