Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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