You can't motorboat a personality
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
