if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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