I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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