i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
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