I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize