Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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