Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
