i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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