As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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