So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
