How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
