I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
