i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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