have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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