Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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