She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
