is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
There was a lot of him and a little penis
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize