He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
