Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
