Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
