Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
