I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
