someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
