peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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