I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
