You're my little dorito
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
