Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
