Acid is not a monday night drug
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Oh god it's open bar.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
