umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
