I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
