P.S. I can't hear my feet
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
