I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
