i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
