none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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