another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
