She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
