Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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