I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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