At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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