I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
