Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
