well I can't set my house on fire every night
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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