Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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