I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
