...so i touched it.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
organizing the empties. That sober.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
